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Songs: Never Going Back To Aldi's

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I left Poly in the '90's when there wasn't any jobs
I signed up for highbrow affluence, that wasn't what I got
Deducting drink from dole money it didn't leave a lot
I had to shop around for bargains, had to shop in certain shops
'Cos after social life and rent
I found my money mostly spent

And so I had to go and shop at Aldi's
Pound-stretchers, Lidls, Costcutters, all them
Four cans of beans for fifteen pence is rarely seen in Mark & Spencers
So off to Aldi's I went

But it turns out ZX Spectrum use gave me a skill for work
And I took up typing audio as a very junior clerk
As my words per minute rate rose so did I up through the grades
Till I earnt a temporary secretary's starting wage
And though you'd hardly call me rich
I had enough cash to say this:

I am never going back to Aldi's
I will never give a penny more to them
I'm gonna pledge my troth to Tesco, Sainsbury's or maybe Waitrose
I will never darken Aldi's door again

And you may ask me why
I prefer to pay a higher price
You see a fridge full of nice things is my equivalent of bling
It's a sign of my progression through my life

And when I say I'm never going back to Aldi's
I mean I'm charting a new course for quality
I'll sail the seas of excellence, I'll count my blessings, not my pence
I'm worth it, I'll fly the flag of me

I'm wearing clothes that won't collapse after one go in the wash
I'm buying records that I like whether they're cool or not
And I'll do the same for books and films, and when it comes to wine
I'll buy a bottle with a cork in that costs four pounds ninety nine
To The Spice Girls I said Yes
But I will never accept Steps

Because I'm never going back to Aldi's
No I'm never going back there again
I've worked for years for what I've got, so don't fob me off with pound shop pop
And don't kid me with brown label literacy, like Harry Potter

I'm never going back to Aldi's ever again

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

This is based on a story I've told a million times about coming back from Glastonbury one year completely filthy shortly after having started a new job and got a small pay rise. I decided that i could now afford to shop in proper supermarkets and eat properly, and would never have to come home filthy to own brand baked beans again.

The version that appears on Kung-Fu Santa With A Christmas Punch Bag was recorded in Cornwall along with all the other songs in the WE VALIDATE! sessions, and was one of the songs whose master tape got corrupted. The version we had sounded fine so rather than re-record it (as we'd need to if it was going to be mixed in the same way as the rest of the album) we decided to take it out of the running for the album by putting it on the aforesaid Christmas album. The only trouble was that this meant our original title for WE VALIDATE!, "A Fridge Full Of Nice Things" was suddenly NOT VALID, as the title came from the lyrics of this song. THUS was Rock And ROll History MADE!

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