Songs: The Advent Calendar Of FACT

notes / gigs / releases

Door One	A Robin in a woodland scene
Door Two	A parcel with a bow
Door Three	A traditional Christmas Tree
Door Four	A pointless pile of snow
Door Five	It's a drunken mob of Carol Singers
Door Six	Appears to be a Christmas Sock
	It's the madness advent calenders bring us
	But here's one thing that it is not
	It's nothing like the Christmas that I know and like
	It's not like any Christmas I've had
	Don't bring me Advent Calenders of falsehood myth and LIES
	Bring me the Advent Calendar of FACT
Door seven	It's raining all day long
Door eight	Westlife at number one
Door nine	A child falls off a brand new bike
Door ten	A cat entangled in the Christmas Lights
Door Eleven	Someone saying "Let's play Triv!"
Door Twelve	Me not escaping to the pub
	It may not sound like it
	But this is something that I love
	This is the Christmas that I know and like
	This is all the Christmases I've had
	This is not a Calendar of falsehood myth or lies
	This is the Advent Calendar of FACT
Thirteen	Y-Fronts
Fourteen	Jumpers
Fifteen	Receipts kept just in case
Sixteen	Rude pants
Seventeen	"Massage" tools
Eighteen	The look on your Nan's face
	Being drunk at 9 am
	Seems like a Good Idea
	When combining your family
	With free wine, whisky, rum and beer
	And this is the Christmas that I know and like
	This is all the Christmases I've had
	This is not a Calendar of falsehood myth or lies
	This is the Advent Calendar of FACT
Nineteen	Half a jar of Cranberry Sauce
Twenty	A pile of washing up
Twenty One	Highlighter Pens in Radio Times
Twenty Two	A tape we'll never watch
Twenty Three	Burnt Brandy on a Christmas Pudding
	Nobody wants to eat
Twenty Four	Walnuts to watch the film with
	Then all falling fast asleep
	This is the Christmas that I know and like
	This is all the Christmases I've had
	This is not a Calendar of falsehood myth or lies
	This is the Advent Calendar of FACT

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

This was originally written for the Steve Lamacq's Sunday Show on BBC 6Music, when they asked me to come in with something Christmassy. I spent quite a while trying to work out what to write - I was going to bring in a whole POSSE of PALS, like I'd done before, and wanted to have something that they could do rather than just joining in with the chorus. We went through a couple of poor quality attempts at something a bit dull before i was SUDDENLY STRUCK by THORT - in the kitchen, as I remember - and DASHED around with a pen for the rest of the evening at home CHUCKLING to myself as new ideas appeared.

All the songs I've written for Steve Lamacq shows have worked out really well, actually, maybe I should just get him to give me a list of topics and write the next album that way? Anyway, I was really chuffed with it and wanted to record it properly, and it was thinking about THAT that gave me the idea for doing the whole Kung Fu Santa With A Christmas Punchbag album, and i got so excited about THAT idea that I had to RING Mr Machine there and then to tell him. That sort of thing doesn't HAPPEN that often!

It was recorded during the sessions for WE VALIDATE! in Cornwall, always with the intention of going on the Christmas Album, and oh BOY did we have fun doing it. As with Give Us A Kiss For Christmas we got out the sleighbells to get in the mood, and although Mince Pies were a bit harder to come by in August we managed to use BEER as a substitute. The laughing halfway through is the sound of Tom enjoying himself doing the violins, and is one of those things that happened and we all said "KEEP! THAT! IN!". Me, Frankie, Tim and Tom recorded the singalonga male backing vocals as the last thing we did one day, and you can probably tell that it was a couple of hours after Beer O'Clock when we did it, hence the occasional YELPS throughout the song. Also hence the BARBER SHOP bit at the end - oh how we enjoyed ourselves doing THAT!