My Exciting Life In ROCK (part 1): 9/11/2000 - The Old Angel, Nottingham

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And so my mini-tour drew to a close, this time with NO delays in my journey, no train cancellations nor even ludicrous over-charging by the rail companies. How did I manage this turnaround? I went by BUS.

I don't normally like to travel on buses, because if I'm in a STRANGE PLACE (and I often am) then I have no bloody clue where I'm going and so have no idea when to ring the bell to get off. This always seems to me to be a MAJOR disadvantage to bus travel, a point of view driven home by one particular afternoon's tour of the countryside around Sheffield when I only really wanted to cross town. HOWEVER, I did at least know what Nottingham Bus Station looks like (it's the one with all the buses) so got off and toddled off to the venue.

I arrived to find a long running dispute had been SETTLED. I was playing with Mr Frankie Machine and Steve from The Chemistry Experiment, and in the preceding week the three of us had been arguing bitterly about the running order. If we had been IDIOTS and/or A Student Funk Band On Their Third Gig we would each have been demanding the HEADLINE SLOT, but as we were Old hands and therefore WISE in the ways of this sort of gig we were all angling for MIDDLE or, failing that, FIRST ON. The middle spot, as anybody who knows, knows, is BEST because everybody who's coming will have arrived by then and even if they only came for the first band will probably still have a beer on the go and so stay for you. Given a choice between first and last you go for the first because, well, at least you can have a BEER.

The realisation of this FACT is a beautiful moment in anyone's ROCK CAREER, and I was once lucky enough to be there when the particular Student Funk Band On Their Third Gig who I was supporting HAD their epiphany, and tried to con me into going on last. Foolishly they tried to do this by using HONESTY and saying "Can you go on last instead of us? Then all of our friends can go home". I was unpersuaded.

The whole thing was settled THIS time by Frankie arriving FIRST and so being forced to do first soundcheck and, therefore, go on last. Actually, thinking about it, he has NEVER been early for a gig ever since then - maybe this is the explanation? Anyway, we did our soundchecks, we did our gigs, and a fine old time was had by all, so much so that I got a bit over-excited with not wanting the evening to end and BLAGGED a lift back to DERBY with Frankie. We went to The Blue Note for the DANCING and the LOOKING AT GIRLS and to look at That Bloke Out Of Wizzard who was probably there for the same reasons as us. Well, the same main reasons anyway, I guess he could see HIMSELF any time he wanted.

I sat on my own for a while and considered the events of the past week or so - what lessons could we take away from the experience? THESE were the ones I thought of at the time:

1. Privatisation of the railways was a really bad idea.
2. Although when people say "Did you get here all right" they're only being polite, and do not require a ten minute lecture on the subject.
3. If the audience is talking during your set maybe you should consider WHY they are doing so, rather than throwing a strop about it.
4. Young audiences are more ready to have their minds changed then older ones.
5. I really really like being on tour.

Happy with these conclusions I settled into DRINK and, sometime after midnight was LOLLING drunkenly off the edge of a BOOTH when someone came over and told me he'd not only BOUGHT one of my albums, but also liked it. The only thing that had could have made the evening better was if it'd been The Bloke out Of Wizzard or a GURL, but otherwise it was the perfect end to My First Proper Solo Tour. The ROAD had got me, and I'd be back out again soon enough!

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