Blog: Laniard Lariness

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My very good friend Mr Paul Myland came down to London yesterday, and together we sped off to OLYMPIA, for the Great British Beer Festival - a festival well named INDEED, for it was BLOODY GRATE. We wandered around drinking BEER for a good long time, and I must say i had some LOVELY drinks. The song Hibbett's Golden Rules Of Beer is actually based on rules he and i FORMULATED over many years with our mutual friend Mr Robin Hare at The Peterborough Beer Festival, and not only does it mean you get to drink pretty nice beer most of the time, it also means you save time on LOO visits i.e. "I'm off to the loo, get us a beer in - YOU KNOW THE RULES."

After a little while Mrs Myland arrived, a lovely woman who appeared to be on a MISSION to drink the most unpleasant MILD she could find. MILD is NEVER, in my opinion, very nice, and GOODNESS ME she found some stunning examples of the form. Katherine, NO! Shortly after THAT The Hops In My Mash arrived, with The Landlady, and DEFIANTLY drank Lager Shandy. "I'm a paid up member, I can drink what i like!" she declared to those who questioned her decision, and quite right she was too.

It wasn't all BEER though (although it mostly was) - LEON'S was there! Anybody who's ever been to a Proper Festival should know the stall i speak of, Leon's is a FANTASTIC place for getting ASTOUNDINGLY cheap Veggie food that is DELICIOUS, and i am glad to report it hasn't changed. ALSO of course on the BILL was Chas & Dave, who got better and better the more i watched them, and the more BEER we had. The BEST bit, for me, was when everyone started BELLOWING along - most of us didn't know the words to some of the songs, but REALLY wanted to join in. A couple of people just started bellowing, and soon we were ALL at it, waving our pint glasses in the air going "WAAAAAAAH... La la DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH de dum... There ain't no pleaasing YOOOOUUUU..." It was GRATE! Also "Ain't No Pleasing You" itself was ACE, so much so they played it TWICE.

ALSO also they had a very clever way of getting home on time - when they went off the played "The Sideboard Song" over the PA in its ENTIRETY, so by the time we'd all finished dancing the lights were all on and Chas & Dave had cleared off. CLEVER!

Other points of note were that Mr Myland and I maintained our record of Hilarious To Us Heckling (shouting "Go on, AND!" every time the drummer did anything - do you see? - as a worthy successor to shouting "Do Revolution //9!" whilst watching a Beatles Tribute Band at the Peterborough Beer Festi a few years ago. The important words are "To Us"), and that i learnt a new word: LANIARD! Also spelt Lanyard, it is the piece of string, cloth, chain or elastic that people wear around their necks to keep their security pass on, and thus is in extremely common use these days. LANIARD!

posted 4/8/2005 by MJ Hibbett

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Comments:

Laniard!

i knew that cos they gave them out at work (tho they missed me out) and then had to quickly try and get them all back as they had no weak point or something which meant one could easily be strangled by the things.
hah!
posted 4/8/2005 by ray k

Is that the kind of workplace where they remove your belt and shoelaces as well?

We all have special lanyards now with a plastic clip that comes apart, to prevent strangulation (accidental or otherwise).
posted 5/8/2005 by Dan

i'm not sure about this "ia" spelling, "lanyard" is the trad way i think.

i am going to GBBF today! no doubt there shall be much Reporting Back in the usual places...
posted 5/8/2005 by CarsmileSteve

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