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Songs: When They Landed

notes / gigs / releases

When they landed on the planet
The aliens emerged from their spacecraft
They said greetings human beings
We said Do you come in peace? and they just laughed
They said we're here for the beer
And the telly and the crisps and for the fags
Galactic Tripadvisor says
This is the greatest place in space for buying crap

They bought our rubbish, and they loved it
And soon word got round around the galaxy
Within a year souvenirs
Of our kebab shops were a booming industry
Cheap plonk, Westlife and Gonks
Drama documentaries
Instant coffee, salad cream and fake tans
Became the highest point of human history

Well science died
The arts collapsed
Religions were united
In saying it was awful
But I liked it

See, everybody was happy
Doing something that they actually enjoyed
Cheap crap is what we're good at
And so the human race was gainfully employed
But then the Cosmic Council asked
Did we have a licence for this - we said no
So they knocked us down and built
A planet sized Tesco

Can I help you sir? Or madam? Or it?

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

The second song, after The Last Homo Sapien that I wrote to submit to Matt Lucas's "2525" show. This started out as just a silly idea, but then i really really got INTO it, realising that if we DID become a cosmic TAT factory we'd probably all be a lot happier with our lot, doing something we LIKED than just trying to get one over on each other. The only two minor issues I had (and have) with this song is that a) it doesn't have a chorus b) it doesn't have a proper ending, neither of which would be an issue if used in a sketch show, but might be problematic if recorded on its own. Maybe i should take a leaf out of Macca's book and create an Abbey Road-esque SCI FI MEDLEY?!?

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